I think it would collapse my heart if I was super famous. I don't have the nerve for it, I'm too anxious. I don't know how you're not obsessed with how people perceive you, because they're real people, you know? You can convince yourself that they don't really know you, and that's true, but how can it not hurt your feelings?

At one point when I was very young, when I was first starting out, I thought, 'Well, one day I'll be able to put all the music away and become a real comedian.' But then I realized there are amazing musical comedians out there, that musical comedy is probably something I'll always want to pursue.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

The problem for us, as viewers, is that we want famous people who are passionate about the things they're famous for, because that makes them worthy of the attention. But I think many of those famous people just want to be famous.

My career was exploding at the same time that social media itself was expanding. But when my online videos were taking off, I didn't think, 'Oh, great! I'm going to be able to parlay this into a career!' I just wanted to be a comedian. I just wanted to perform live.

There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind.

I was doing theater in my high school, and I started writing sort of silly songs on the piano backstage in summer theater. I eventually put them online and started getting this little following.

I just like to write and then perform.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

The U.K. and Europe in general seem to be a lot more patient. The U.S. are expecting 'joke joke joke joke joke joke joke.' They don't actually sit and listen to you.

Most of my songs make fun of myself.

I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.'

I have a show on MTV called 'Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous.' I think that's a secret to a vast majority of America.

You got to take a deep breath and give up. The system is rigged against you.

I don't want you to think I'm better than people or that I know better than people.

Don't worry, I'm hilarious.

I'm just a giddy teenager who would like to break into show business any way I can.

I'm still a kid in his bedroom, writing songs and playing them.

Your hard work and talent will not pay off.

I think because of the Internet I was able to study comedy from quite a young age and watch a lot of comedy.

I thought I had more of a European sense of humour than the average American comic.

Please don't stick with me if I start sucking.

My success, literally, is your success figuratively.

I do weird things, and people watch.

I don't think I've had a job since I worked for my father's construction company.

I always wanted to be a comedian but never thought I'd be a musical comedian.

The Internet is so crazy, and you're exposed to so many things. In an hour, you can really jump around.

The unlimited amount of information that I have access to has also given me an unlimited threshold for how I need to be stimulated.

I don't want to put meaning on what I do because I don't know what it is.

It feels like we're always juggling many pieces of information at once or trying out many personas at once. It makes life slightly nonlinear.

I know I'm probably digging for fresh fruit in the garbage, and as much as anyone, my attitude is, if stuff's sincere, it's gooey and boring and uninteresting. But it's no way to live.

I'm very left-brain.

There's only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and talk exactly the same.

I have no real want or need to be a movie star.

I'll stop when I think I'm not doing good stuff. I'll never exploit something just because people like it.

All my fans saw me as some little kid who can't even afford new jeans in his room, so they'll support me. That'll work until I become a success.

I like to joke about being gay because it's something teenagers would never joke about.

Uncharted territory is a good place to be in.

I grew up listening to Steve Martin and Robin Williams, so I didn't ever intend to be a musical comedian. I sort of stumbled into it.

I write about what I know: teenage dating, overly charged sexuality, all the things that make you uncomfortable.

I really like maths.

Music is really, really mathematical.

I don't interact with people much.

I always wanted to be a comedian and actor.

I've come across people referring to themselves as 'Vine famous.' Some of them started out by putting up Vines just for fun, then all of a sudden they get a bunch of fans, and a week later their Vines are totally different. They become obsessed with how their videos will be perceived.

'what.' is bombastic introspection. It's large, colourful, and loud but hopefully intimate at the same time.