Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.

Whatever situation you are in, that is what is normal for you.

When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: 'Here comes the bride, all fat and wide.' Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

I swam at school a lot. Long-distance swimming in pools, and diving, then when we moved to Hastings when I was 13 I used to swim in the sea all the time; I loved it out of season and when it was rough.

As the Tories know, the problem with setting yourself up as a shining example for others to follow is that when you get caught out, that proverbial substance really hits the fan.

You look across the board at comedy quiz shows, and they are mainly hosted by men.

I've always liked to think I could do anything I wished as well as - if not better than - a man. But I wasn't very good at rally driving.

The problem with comedy audiences - it's like the Coliseum - when they see someone struggling, they don't feel altruistic towards them. They feel slightly repulsed by it.

There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I'm doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much.

Even nice things don't make you happy when you're tired.

I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.

I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.

I used to do bell ringing in Benenden church. It was really good fun, actually. My best friend's dad was the local vicar, and so it was expected as her best friend that I would go to church every Sunday with her.

Managers of hospitals over the years have been increasingly recruited from outside the health service, and although their experience of running a supermarket chain might allow them to balance the books, it does not mean they have any insight into how a ward should be managed and patients best served.

There's lots of different feminist groups. It's not as straightforward as just looking like a plumber.

Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.

I think there's a danger that we're moving towards a state where the people we are expected to admire are almost not human anymore, and I don't like that. I prefer it when someone looks like a nice person, and you think, 'I could have a laugh with them in the pub.'

I read that book 'Fat is a Feminist Issue', got a bit desperate halfway through and ate it.

I can honestly say I've never sold any arms to a repressive foreign regime while reassuring everyone at home that the weapons will be used for nice things.

Does anyone really go into nursing intending to be apathetic, cold and removed from suffering? I find that very difficult to believe.

People can forgive each other.

Privatisation splits hospital services into increasingly small packages.

There are so many cliches associated with mental health - such as the 'fine line between lunacy and genius' - which are, on the whole, a load of rubbish.

Everyone in comedy thinks if you go to the U.S. you become a global star but, unfortunately, I've always been a bit anti-American - so I never did.

The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.

What could be funnier than a fat person trying to run a marathon?

One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets.

I was really, because I thought it was extremely excruciating when I watched a tape of it, that my husband taped for me and I never watched it again after that.

I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be encouraging fat people who are exercising to do it, not pointing and laughing.

I've no interest in fashion, shoes, handbags, or sweaty shopping.

Punk allowed women to stop looking feminine. Oh, the relief.

Christians have always been fodder for comedians who have tended to portray them as anoraks - slightly clammy, beatifically smiley dullards with barely a personality between them.

People are so different in reality from the picture created of them on TV. So it's all a creation; everything is made up.

I think there's a far more general audience now because I've done more populist stuff on telly.

A good culture in a hospital can absorb and manage a few bad nurses, but once the culture becomes bad in itself, bad nursing practice is much harder to hide.

If I am totally honest, I would have to say that 'Allo 'Allo!' was not my cup of tea, even though lots of people loved it. For that reason, I find comedy fascinating. There is a huge difference between what people find funny.

My dad's a very sensitive man, but as the archetypal rebellious teenager, I didn't realise that.

We women continue to swallow this line that it's unladylike or even proof of being a lesbian if you wear flat shoes like Doc Martens. I'm prepared to put up with that accusation, because at least my feet aren't killing me and I don't look like a bandy ostrich.

I have friends who vote Tory, and I'm appalled, but that's not to say they're not great people in so many other ways.

The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.

Even when I wasn't overweight I was never one of those girls or women who wanted to look nice. I always thought it wasn't important.

By crying on my bed, drinking quite a lot and feeling tempted by drugs. Well, just not reading it to be perfectly honest with you. I know it's a bit of a copout.

You don't really see ugly people that are old, or a bit grotty and smelly, in the media. If a Martian came down, they would think we were all tall, thin, attractive and wealthy.

I've never, ever had people being aggressive to me in public or abusing me, and actually quite a lot of men do say to me, 'You're quite good' - though they can't bear to go, 'You're great.'

In the end, punk inevitably burned itself out and acted as a bridge across which the New Romantics could sashay in their chiffon and glossy hair.

I believe that if your brain has to get to grips with complicated words, then you won't get Alzheimer's. I'm sure it's not true, but I do believe it.

I wasn't one of those hideous children who make their parents sit through hour-long performances when you're seven. I didn't do anything like that thankfully.

It's got too much hard work slapping them and telling them to shut up.