If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.

We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

I'm competitive at everything.

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.

I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.

I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.

'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going.

I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.

I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over.

The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can.

I don't do one show and wish I was doing something else.

Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.

There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.

I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.

I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet.

When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games.

After all, game shows are not like working in a coal mine.

But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.'

I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun.

I don't think there's hardly a comic out there that does clean material all the way around. There's a couple of guys that are clean, but I'm not one of them.

'The Price Is Right,' it was an honor to be offered it because it's such an American institution. To be able to carry on this tradition with a show that has been on for so long, I thought it was a great opportunity for me.

I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures.

I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs.

I was just sick of being fat, you know? You get sick of it. It just really, it's a tiring lifestyle to have.

Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.

I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day.

Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?

If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist. That was my other dream job.

Being a celebrity, you always get really good seats to sporting events, but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports.