I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II.

Funny is funny.

Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!

Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh.

I never went out looking for glory.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one.

When I'm onstage, I'm acting.

I was a mother's boy.

I do situations and make fun of authority and life.

I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know.

I told jokes badly.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.

I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.

When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit.

My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all those years in Vegas.

I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one.

My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances.

If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance.

I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore.

Sinatra was somebody special.

I've never had a written script.

I was 28 when my father died, and I was an only child.

The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.

When you first start out with something new, you're always a little uptight.

I didn't get married until I was 38.

Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it.

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.

After I graduated, I tried Broadway, which was difficult for me. It was tough to get a part on Broadway, so I just started talking to audiences at different social gatherings, and little by little I became Don Rickles - whatever that is.

My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world.

When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side.

Ninety percent of the people who come to see me are my fans.

Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor.

The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.'

I don't do impressions.

The highlight of my career was being at the inaugural gala of Ronald Reagan, and I owe that to Mr. Sinatra.

Everything I've performed has been from my own head.

After over 50 years of headlining, I've been received very beautifully. But I always say, when you're onstage, you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's OK.

I don't practice or write stuff down - everything I do onstage was just made up before I went on.

Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, 'How many more years do I have on this earth?' But I can't really conceive of dying.

I was always the guy who made jokes and ribbed people at parties. After I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts I got sidetracked into clubs and started doing comedy.

Sometimes, I knew generally what I was going to do, but I've never written anything down. Call it a sixth sense: the lines just come.

I used to work over a bar. That was - there was no stage. I stood over a tiny bar. Louis Prima, rest his soul, he worked there. I was the guy that filled in when he was off the stage.

I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny.

Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports.

What keeps me going is that young people still want to see me.

At 90, I'm still working a couple of dates a month. My mind is very sharp on the stage, so why not? This may sound corny, but I do it because people - young and old - still come to see me, and they're very enthusiastic about my work. They treat me like the Godfather.