The problem with doing nothing is not knowing when you are finished.

The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.

Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees.

Sometimes shit happens even if you have a shit shield

A lot of our perception of history is influenced by inaccurate movies.

It's really scary when you have a moment of temporary sanity.

Women need a reason to have sex; men need only a place.

…made me promise to cut down on the drinking and swearing, which I have. Unfortunately, this has left me dim-witted and nearly speechless.

The meaning of life has not much to do with good and evil, right and wrong, duty, honor, country, or any of that. It has to do with cutting the right deal.

...the most common cause of death among alpha males was ego.

Job happiness is directly proportional to the distance you are from the home office.

I turned to the Times crossword puzzle and asked Kate, “What’s the definition of a moderate Arab?” “I don’t know.” “A guy who ran out of ammunition.

Mrs. Corey still uses her maiden name for business, or when she wants to pretend she doesn’t know me.

Everyone looked pensive, which is good cover-up for clueless.

Panic---a deep abiding, free-floating anxiety, often without any reason or logical basis.

Kate had never been married, so she had no way of knowing if I was a normal husband. This has been good for our marriage.

Nostalgia is basically the ability to forget the things that sucked.

Somehow, amid all the sophistication and diversions of this world, we forgot the basics: take care of business at home first, and never betray your blood.

I don't like mysteries, which is why I want to solve them. It bothers me that there are things I don't know.

I tried to picture a bunch of guys in blue suits running around a beachside neighborhood, knocking on doors and flashing Fed creds. That should cause a stampede of illegal aliens heading south.

Detective Ramos confided in me, 'If something happens to you on my watch my ass is O-U-T.' 'How do you think I’d feel? D-E-A-D.

An Englishman once said that he found it easier to be a member of a club than of the human race because the bylaws were shorter, and he knew all the members personally. That sounds about right.

Diplomacy is the art of saying nice doggy, until you can find a rock.

But if I could choose how and when I wanted to die, I would want to be an eighty-year-old man shot by a jealous young husband who had caught me in bed with his teenage wife.

The air was so thick with testosterone that the wallpaper was getting soggy.

But that's all hindsight. That evening, my mind was cloudy, and my good judgment was influenced by my need to prove something. It goes to show you, you shouldn't stay out too late during the week.

Indeed we all try to raise our children as if our past experiences are important for their future, but they rarely are.

Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. And if your shooting stance is good, you’re probably not moving fast enough.

Well, no one ever said the truth would make you happy—only free.

There is no harder worker than a former government employee who has discovered the word incentive.

Anyway, I’m getting really intolerant of liars, fools, blowhards, and power freaks.

Do you know why Italians don’t like Jehovah’s Witnesses?” “No… why?” “Italians don’t like any witnesses.

And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

You don’t bother to hate what you think is contemptible.

Amicitia sine fraude—to friendship without deceit.

Confrontational is when I pull my gun. Argumentative is when I pull the trigger.

Never have sex with a woman who has more problems than you do.

She asked me, “Was your divorce nasty?” “Not at all. The marriage was nasty.

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

Credo quia impossibile.’ I believe it because it is impossible.

You’re smarter than you look. Did you ever have anti-terrorist training?” “Sort of. I was married.