"I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is."

"With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious."

"When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased. It makes me insane."

"She was feeling her bohemian oats."

"Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized."

"…when the person beside you is making you alert and keen and the idea of being with anyone else is not imaginable…"

"How many people have never raised their hand before?"

"Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen."

"Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up."

"Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey"

"Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation."

"So, I can hurt now, or hurt later."

"I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point?"

"I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?"

". . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . ." "Put them on me."

"Mirabelle is not affected by a man’s failures to approach her, as her own self-depreciating attitude never allows the idea that he would in the first place."

"I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses."

"I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night."

"...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled on top, looking like a plate of soft-shell crabs."

"Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent."

"...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums."

"Being on Twitter is like having a fern."

"Introductions are hard to come by when your natural state is shyness"

"I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87."

"So, while fitting in, she was like a wicked detail standing out against a placid background."

"A kiss may not be the truth but it is what we wish were true.” L.A. Story (1991) – Harris Telemacher (Steve Martin)"

"All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies."

"If you occasionally wonder how I know about some of the events I describe in this book, I don't. I have found that--just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience."

"Be tasteless, rude, and offensive, Live in a swamp and be three dimensional, Put a live chicken in your underwear, Get all excited and go to a yawning festival."

"Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus Be dull and boring and omnipresent Criticize things you don't know about Be oblong and have your knees removed"

"She didn't even finish her last sentence; it just trailed off. I think the subject had changed in her head while her mouth had continued on the old topic, not realizing it was out of supplies."

"...teaching is, after all, a form of show business."

"He never complicates a desire by overthinking it, unlike Mirabelle, who spins a cocoon around an idea until it is immobile."

"An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be."

"The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream."

"She started converting objects of beauty into objects of value."

"She has simply never quite learned to walk or hold herself comfortably"

"I am tired, so very tired of thinking about Lacey Yeager, yet I worry that unless I write her story down, and see it bound and tidy on my bookshelf, I will be unable to ever write about anything else."

"Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening."

"Thinking too much also creates the illusion of causal connections between unrelated events."

"The auction houses seemed not as dull as their financial counterparts on Wall Street, where parents of daughters imagined glass celings and bottom patting."

"A triangle with four points is what Euclid rides into hell."

"He knows only what is right in front of him; she is aware of every incoming sensation that glances obliquely against her soft, fragile core"

"Harder you Try, Luckier you get"

"They told me to just "act like myself." When I said, "How do I do that?" they said to just have fun with it, but I'm not sure what they meant."

"It's so beautiful where I am today that it makes me wonder where I am."

"Finally, we do become wise, but then it's too late"

"The dictionary is a perfect example of overalphabetization, with its harsh rules and every little word neatly in place. It almost makes me want to go on a diet of grapes and waste away to nothing."